Why does Helen call these people bullies if they are just whispering?

Because those whispers and smirks are deliberate acts meant to make someone feel smaller, and the person doing it knows exactly what they are doing. It might look quiet to them, but it lands loud for the person on the receiving end. Have you ever been in a room where you felt someone was talking about you, even if you could not hear the words?

What does Helen want the bully to actually do differently?

She wants them to understand that their behaviour is seen, that it is not as invisible as they think, and that it has real weight in someone else's day. The first step is simply recognising that those small moments matter. Do you think people who do this realise the effect it has, or do they genuinely believe no one notices?

Dear Bully, we see you | Dr Helen Webberley

Substack 12 February 2026

Dear Bully, we see you: an open letter

There is a particular kind of person who thinks their quiet mockery goes unnoticed. The one who smirks across a pub, nudges their friend, and whispers, convinced nobody is paying attention. What feels invisible to the bully is profoundly visible to everyone else, and it has real consequences for the people it targets.

There is a particular kind of person who thinks their quiet mockery goes unnoticed. The one who smirks across a pub when they see someone they perceive as different, who nudges their friend and whispers, convinced that nobody else is aware of what they are doing. Helen's open letter speaks directly to these moments of casual cruelty.

What often feels invisible to the bully is profoundly visible to everyone else. The impact of these small acts of public dismissal accumulates, shaping how people move through the world and whether they feel safe enough to simply exist in ordinary spaces.

Read the full letter to understand why Helen is writing directly to the bully, and what she wants them to know.

In response to: Dear Bully, we see you (Substack)